On the Plains

I’m supposed to be studying for finals; but, my new Bible study came in the mail today.  I had to crack it.  See, I’ve had something that needed a dose of the Word.  While I know that all of scripture is God-breathed and meant for healing, rebuking, and teaching, it’s nice to have all of that distilled and applied specifically to what I’m experiencing.  Which is why I sent off for the book; and then couldn’t wait for Saturday to break into it. 

But…

I am finding that I’m consistently disappointed when I open these easy distillations of the word.  Ugh, the entire first 5 weeks are things I already know.   I’m not seeking new revelation; but I even inhabit these topics.  I live them.  Not perfectly, of course; but I have more than just head knowledge.  It goes straight to the heart, too.  So, I closed the book, feeling very discouraged.  And sat, silently asking God what I’m supposed to do. 

I listened as the birds chirped around the neighborhood.  I watched as a butterfly flit onto a dandelion in my grass.  I let my eyes blur and followed the motion of my roses dancing with the gentle breeze, peeking out from behind lilac bushes.  I tried not to notice the weeds that have sprung up and flourished in the weeks leading up to finals.  I had to stop myself from making lists of things that need to be done in the yard and mapping plans of how I’m going to accomplish them.    

I realize that this study was written for others who need the knowledge I have received through other venues.  They haven’t had their chance to apply God’s Word to these topics.  It is something rarely addressed from the pulpit; hardly even broached in women’s groups.  And likely, many good women don’t even confide these issues to their best friends over coffee.  But, I do.  Lots [you can ask her…she pens her ministry here].  And that makes me one of the blessed few, I know; one who has the deepest confidence in one so grounded in the Truth, and who has been surrounded and uplifted by so many godly women [and men] along the way, the kind that speak truth no matter the consequence.  Ones who believe that God’s Word applies to every.second.of.this.life. 

Thus, I’m not begrudging the author, or the publisher, for producing application-friendly truth in easily digestible portions.  But I will admit that I ache for something a little deeper, a little stronger, a little less surface and more core; something that will penetrate directly through to my heart.

For now, I think I’m supposed to inhabit this place.  The one that isn’t comfortable.  The one that has a twinge of ache [oh how I hate to be even slightly uncomfortable].  The one that has weeds and needs tending.  The one that isn’t a quick, easily distilled fix.  And, I’m supposed to get out of my own head for a bit.  Like getting out of my house after a season cooped up in the study.  Letting the breeze blow through my soul and refresh my life.  There is so much beauty out there.  Not for the purpose of avoiding, but patiently waiting.  Daily tending, daily sounding my spirit.  Daily applying the salve of the Word to the deep wounds; drawing out the poison and replacing it with the tonic of truth.   

I think this might be the road for my feet right now.  Not a fast summiting of mountains, with amazing vistas and so-close-you-can-touch-heaven moments, but a season spent on the plains.  Working brittle soil every day.  Pulling the weeds that keep cropping up, from whence I still can’t tell.  Dead-heading blooms to give way to new beauty.  While still living here.  And waiting on the Lord; knowing and being in His Word, talking to Him about it every day.  And finding that sometimes, as a temporal being, only time can offer the remedy for what ails. 

Beauty is where you find it.  God has planted it all around; we just have to look up from ourselves to see it.  And joy can be found in the calm, quiet rush of days strung together right where you are.  Because even dandelions attract butterflies.

     

         

     

Just 2 inches deep

On somewhat of a whim, we decided to pull up our front lawn [composed mainly of: creeping vines, crabgrass, and dandelions] this weekend and replace it with new sod.  We were weary of fighting a loosing battle with weeds and thought a fresh start would be best.  So, we bought the sod, [to be delivered later today], tore up the existing “grass” and began prepping the ground for the new.  Sadly, we discovered that originally our soil had been poorly prepped, if at all.  A mere two inches down, the roots stopped; because the ground had not been prepared, not loosened, not even broken.  It looked like the crews had come along and slappdc down the rolls of sod on top of whatever was already there.  We found more discarded construction material than not, and little [if any] soil enhancers.  Needless to say, we finally understood why our yard has been such an uphill battle these past few years.  Our grass was only two inches deep, and everything that lay under those two inches, or that could penetrate that depth, was taking over.

After digging and hauling and raking the results of shoddy lawn prep, this Sunday I heard a teaching about 2-inch deep spirituality [I love how God uses visual metaphors with me].  Our teacher was trekking through chapter seven of Ecclesiastes and noted that oftentimes we are the fools who prefer the vanity of laughter, which is like the crackling of thorns in the fire, to a wise man’s rebuke [vs. 5-6].  He noted that we would rather pretend that we’re okay, that we’re not going through struggles, than be vulnerable and admit it.  Or to even ask for help.  This teacher noted that we, as a Church [big C], don our plastic smiles and “everything’s-peachy-keen” attitudes when around others and try to hide what’s really going on behind closed doors, in our own hearts.  Because it’s the outward appearance that we’re striving for, not genuine transformation.

When we allow ourselves to be these plastic people, our relationships and spirituality become much like my lawn.  At first blush it’s green [we even had people driving by pull over to ask why we were tearing it out]; and our lives, at least to those on the outside, are nice and tidy.  But little by little, the creeping vines and dandelions and crab grasses start popping up.  Christ warned us of this, of the state of our hearts, when he said, "What comes out of a person is what defiles him.  For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.  All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." [Mark 7:20-2].

Initially, there were only a few weeds, and we were able to control them by pulling them out; much like the darkness in our lives, we treat the external symptoms by trying harder at being good enough, at not letting the ugly parts of ourselves show through.  Then there were more, so we resorted to specific chemicals [retreats] and fertilizers [Bible studies] to feed the grass that was left.  It is like still striving under our own power, not really letting anyone in to see the problem underneath, just treating the symptoms.  But in the end, there were too many weeds, their roots were deeper, and they simply overwhelmed the tenuous hold the fescue had on that plot of land.  And if we, as followers, continue in this course our spirituality, our relationships, even our testimonies will mirror my lawn: choked by weeds, slowly dying, hopeless.

But if we give up our plastic selves, turn these masks over to God, we will be a new creation in Him.  He will till the ground, so our roots may deepen. He will remove what defiles us, if we let Him.  He will change us, and transform those with whom we share this remarkable journey.

The Psalmist marks just this [Psalm 119:25-3]:

Daleth

My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word!
When I told of my ways, you answered me; teach me your statutes!
Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!

Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me.
I cling to your testimonies, O LORD; let me not be put to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!

We cling to that which is useless, our strivings and appearances.  It is dust.  The only lasting and meaningful life is found rooted deeply and daily in the word of God.  We have to tell our Father the truth, not merely platitudes of praise, regarding the state of our hearts.  If we hurt, we need to tell him.  If we’re mad, we need to tell Him.  If we’re struggling, if we’re trapped in sin, if we’re so lost we no longer know the way out ~ we have to tell Him!  He will answer us.  He will teach us, strengthen us, change us!  If we ask Him, He will help us abandon our plastic selves.  He will reinforce our faithfulness with His own.  He will not shame us, but use our stories to free others and increase His glory!  He will enlarge our hearts to be more like His.

We will be what draws others to the Savior’s arms; a lush, and green pasture that invites the lost, the broken, and the weary to lie down and find rest, find peace ~ in Him!