Sanctity of Human Life & Post-Abortive People

Closing Remarks

 When I speak of “hiding” I mean that I was hiding from God, and everyone else.  This wasn’t necessarily the Church’s fault.  It was mine for believing the lie that, even after repenting and turning my life over to Christ, I wasn’t worthy of the love and forgiveness of Jesus.  I believed, as many post-abortive people do, that I had to work to earn my place in God’s family, and if anyone found out, they would cast me out for the sinner that I was.  Because what I had done was so much worse than what anyone else had.  So I hid; a captive to fear.  But we know that true love casts out fear, and that there is no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ.  So we need to be taught this in our churches and bible studies, reminded of what this looks like in our small groups, and shown how to live this out by mature men and women of the faith.

This is an area where the Church falls short; church isn’t a safe place to share your struggles most of the time.  It’s easier and less messy to slap on a smile and spout “everything’s good,” when in reality so many of us are broken and hurting on the inside.  But that is because of human pride.  We want to be accepted and “good enough,” in when fact not a one of us is.  We each are equally not good enough, save our redemption through Jesus Christ.  Thus, as a grace-filled and faithful people, we need to be the safe place, for the only genuine and lasting solution to broken and sinful humanity is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  While the truth of the gospel is salvific for those who respond, it is the process of discipling people – helping fellow believers grow in their relationship with God, working out our sanctification among a healthy and mature group – that enacts change in the life of the believer.  We are to be building one another up in the faith, teaching the younger among us how to walk righteously and live godly lives, to encourage and support and helping one another when we fail.  We are to be a people of grace, in theory and practice.     

   

There are churches that excel in this practice.  Indeed, had it not been for one very brave women’s ministry leader and an extremely supportive and God-honoring church leadership team, I might be burdened with the guilt and shame from my abortion still.  Though they didn’t understand the nuances of the prison post-abortive people find themselves in, even after salvation, this church knew that Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted, and that included the post-abortive population (which they admit they had no idea was as big as it really is).  And they did this because they believe the gospel – that the heart of God is to see His people redeemed and set free from the effects their sins have upon their lives. 

And I know now, after hiding for 9 years in the backs of churches and staying silent at bible studies and small groups, that transparency and vulnerability breed further transparency and vulnerability.  It takes those who have truly found freedom in Christ to say, “This is my story of the grace of God in my life,” so that others may know the power of the gospel and the truth of a changed life.  Truly, had it not been for the testimony of a post-abortive women some 14 years ago, I might not be among God’s people today.  For the enemy is overcome by the blood of the lamb and word of our testimony, to the glory of the Lord.  This is what a grace-filled community looks like – realizing that no one is “good enough,” that we are all equally “bad” except for the grace of Jesus, and that our stories are for His glory.  That is how we attract new followers: living out changed lives, filled with God’s grace, among a world in such desperate need.   

If you are someone who has experienced and abortion in you past, please know that you are LOVED.  And you are not alone.  Please know that you can reach out -- there are so many genuine and loving people who want to help you through your pain.  The links below are to ministries that I am personally acquainted with and trust.  Or you can contact me.  I am willing to answer any questions, offer what help I can, and pray with you -- confidentially.  Because you, dearest one, are loved by the Maker of the Stars.  

Click the following link to see a video presentation of why abortion recovery is so important, for women, for men, for couples, and for church leaders.  Abortion Recovery

Surrendering the Secret (Nationally for women and couples)

Rachel's Vineyard (Nationally for women and men, Catholic)

ARIN (Nationally for women, men, and couples)

Life Choices Pregnancy Center (in Colorado)

Me: Jen Baros, jen@jenbaros.com |or| @jenKbaros on twitter

To see where we've been in this mini-series on "Sanctity of Human Life Sunday & Post-Abortive People," go to questions 1 & 2 or questions 3 & 4 or questions 5 & 6.  Thank you for joining us.  

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday & Post-Abortive People

Part Three

5.) What do you want fellow congregants to know about post-abortive people in the pews with them?

I’d return to the statistics given on Wednesday for pastors.  1 in 6 people – in the pews, in your bible studies, in your small groups, in your youth groups, in your leadership -- have experienced an abortion in their past.  It’s likely that they’re hiding this, from you and from themselves.  And if you have your “suspicions” about who’s had one, let me assure you that you’re probably dead wrong.  It’s the folks you’d never guess.

As I mentioned yesterday, it’s how I’m identified in numerous circles.  Jen, the post-abortive speaker.  Jen, the post-abortive leader.  Jen, the post-abortive seminary student.  Jen, the post-abortive.  While the Officer and I have given our testimonies countless times and facilitated recovery groups and participated in numerous discussions in varied venues, there are still days when all I want to do is walk into a room of faithful people and just be Jen. 

Thus, when addressing the topic of abortion, keep in mind Colossians 1:21-22, 1 Corinthians 6:9-12, and Ephesians 2:1-3.  Remember that you were once “an enemy of God,” just like me and those who haven’t entered recovery yet.  So don’t bludgeon people with scripture; offer truth and grace, be loving and kind.  And if someone has shared the secret of their past abortion with you, let them decide on the when and where they share their story.  Every once in a while, just let them be themselves, instead of the token post-abortive person trotted out for an example of God’s goodness and grace.  And if someone shares their secret with you, for goodness sake, be loving and supportive and safe.  And do everything you can to help them find healing and recovery.  For the sake of Jesus.   

6.) What now?

I’ve discussed before what Christians can do about abortion, see “What Do We Do About Abortion?”, paying particular attention to numbers 5 and 6 for practical advice.  Mostly, we have to be truthful.  And we have to be loving.  We have to serve and support and befriend those who come to our churches with crisis pregnancies.  We have to make the church a safer place than Planned Parenthood to come with a crisis pregnancy.  We have to put our money and our hands where our mouths are: we have to champion adoption, single parents, and Crisis Pregnancy Centers.  We have to legislate with our feet: don’t give your vote to any candidate that supports abortion.  And we have to look for ways to be Jesus to those considering abortion, and to those who have already made that choice.  We have to be ministers of reconciliation, for the sake of Jesus Christ.        

If you are someone who has experienced and abortion in you past, please know that you are LOVED.  And you are not alone.  Please know that you can reach out -- there are so many genuine and loving people who want to help you through your pain.  The links below are to ministries that I am personally acquainted with and trust.  Or you can contact me.  I am willing to answer any questions, offer what help I can, and pray with you -- confidentially.  Because you, dearest one, are loved by the Maker of the Stars.  

Click the following link to see a video presentation of why abortion recovery is so important, for women, for men, for couples, and for church leaders.  Abortion Recovery

Surrendering the Secret (Nationally for women and couples)

Rachel's Vineyard (Nationally for women and men, Catholic)

ARIN (Nationally for women, men, and couples)

Life Choices Pregnancy Center (in Colorado)

Me: Jen Baros, jen@jenbaros.com |or| @jenKbaros on twitter

To see where we've been in this mini-series on "Sanctity of Human Life Sunday & Post-Abortive People," go to questions 1 & 2 or questions 3 & 4 or closing remarks.  Thank you for joining us.  

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday & Post-Abortive People

Part Two

3.)  What is the benefit of seeking “recovery” from a past abortion if you have accepted the forgiveness of Christ for your sins?

What I described yesterday, in answer to question 2, was how I felt after I’d accepted Christ’s forgiveness for my sins.  I was going to church and bible studies and small groups and volunteering and raising babies and doing my darnedest to be the good Christian girl.  I knew my sins where forgiven, in fact it was the abortion that led me to seek out the grace of Christ; I just didn’t know that I needed to recover from my abortion. 

The Officer and I call folks like us, the forgiven but not yet healed post-abortives, the walking wounded.  We’re the people who are serving our butts off because we’re so thankful that Jesus would go to the cross for our sin; but we’re doing it all with a sucking chest wound.  Mostly, we think we’re fine, that this is as good as life as a Christ-follower gets for people like us.    

It took a lot of prayer – of the God, there’s got to be more of You for me variety – and a lot of scripture reading (Please, please, please don’t beat post-abortive folks up with Ps. 139!  It’s true and it’s marvelous in its description of God’s loving care; but please remember that it’s NOT meant to condemn those who chose abortion.  God loves the post-abortive just as much as He loves the aborted!).  And one very brave and supportive church leadership team to offer an abortion recovery study before I could see that I actually needed to go back and heal from this devastation experience.   

For me, I had to first admit that I needed help, that I wasn’t over this event that took place nine years in my past.  And then I had to delve back into my past and sift through years of coping mechanisms and hiding strategies to find the original wound itself.  I had to face truth – that I’d lost a daughter – and work through the grief that followed.  I had to trade all my self-loathing and condemnation and anger and misery and loneliness and shame for the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.  And I had to accept His love of me, as well as His divine ability to make me a new creation, completely redeemed and worthy through Him to be called a daughter of the King of King, co-heir with Christ.

Thus, while forgiveness is the necessary first step, abortion recovery is a process.  It is one that changes you from the inside out, as you allow Jesus into the darkest corners of your heart to deal with all your painful memories and destructive coping patterns.  It’s a way to becoming more sanctified in Christ.  And it’s the only way to heal the brokenness inside of you.          

4.) What does it mean to be “healed” from abortion?[1]

Like any recovery, it’s a fluid and organic process that’s different for everyone.  There are helpful steps that facilitate this progression; but like all recovery, everyone moves through these at his or her own pace, circling back around to ones that come up again from time to time.  It takes the support of loved ones and the only true source of grace and healing: Jesus Christ.    

                Abortion is my scarlet letter.  But like Hester Prim, how I wear it has changed.

    

Before recovery I wore it shackled to my heart so that no one could see.  When I found healing and freedom through Jesus, I embroidered gold around it and wore it on my chest so that any and all who have this wound in their past could find this healing and freedom as well.  It’s not something I brag or flash about.  But it is something that God can use in me to be a minister of reconciliation for others.      

            I will never not be post-abortive. 

It’s a part of the story of God’s grace in my life.  And God uses it to His glory all the time, in ways big and small.  But God the Father, His Son Jesus, nor the Holy Spirit have ever identified me as: Jen, post-abortive, now redeemed and healed.  God has always called me Jen, His beloved.  

And I think that’s what “healing” looks like: being able to use what Christ has saved you from to bring the healing of Jesus to others, so that God is honored and glorified in your life.  And knowing who you are in Christ.  

Join us tomorrow for questions 5 & 6, or on Saturday for closing remarks in the mini-series "Sanctity of Human Life Sunday & Post-Abortive People."  Or look back at questions 1 & 2.  

   

If you have experienced an abortion in your past, please know that you can reach out -- there are so many genuine and loving people who want to help you through your pain.  The links below are to ministries that I am personally acquainted with and trust.  Or you can contact me.  I am willing to answer any questions, offer what help I can, and pray with you -- confidentially.  Because you, dearest one, are loved by the Maker of the Stars.  

Surrendering the Secret (Nationally for women and couples)

Rachel's Vineyard (Nationally for women and men, Catholic)

ARIN (Nationally for women, men, and couples)

Life Choices Pregnancy Center (in Colorado)

Me: Jen Baros, jenbaros@gmail.com |or| @jenkbaros on twitter

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[1] For a more detailed version of my story, see “The Supreme Court and My Secret.”  For a brief version of the Officer’s and my journey, see Pat Layton’s book A Surrendered Life, pages 136-138.  

To Teach or To Tell

“Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” ~Mark 5:19

[Before I broach my subject today, I am inclined to immediately qualify it with the fact that as of this writing, I am not in a position of leadership in any church or ministry.  The following is merely my opinion; though granted it has been formed by research, prayer, and my experience on both sides of the topic.]

It is a question I have wrestled with for over a year now: to teach or to tell.  I can only say that the answer varies from situation to situation.  There are some instances that beg first-hand accounts: miraculous signs and wonders, events or circumstances that succinctly reveal some part of God’s identity in the telling.  Conversely, there are deeper, more subtle nuances of God’s character that require diligent pursuit and a carefully drafted theological lesson to explain and illuminate.  Yet today, the question gnaws at me because I believe that in certain communities we are lacking a powerful, Kingdom-ordained tool: personal testimony.

It is a wonderful thing to be privy to the healing and restoration of other followers, and then to be able to share parts of their stories (with permission, of course) with others among the faithful.  However, to sit in the congregation and hear a story of freedom told in third person is a lesson; a parable from which we glean truth.  It is distant, impersonal and easy to hide from.  Yet to look in the face, to hear the tremble in the voice of the former captive is to connect to this truth on a personal, visceral level.  It is not a lesson but a reality; tangible and living, physical proof that Christ does save, Christ does heal, and Christ does restore!  To be as frank as I can, it was a testimony that finally led me to faith.  Within my heart sprang forth the cry, “If God can love this person, He can love me!”  It was the first-hand telling, not the teaching, that finally made salvation personal and applicable to me.

Is it risky to let someone tell their story?  Sure.  Who knows what they’re going to say once they have a microphone in hand.  Might the content offend some in the congregation?  Probably.  But Jesus frequently offended [imagine, as a ministry leader, being told that you’re just as guilty as someone caught in the act of adultery].  What if the congregation judges the speaker, or labels them?  True freedom in Christ has a way of protecting hearts.  The crux of these questions being: is God trustworthy?  Can the leaders trust that God has truly called a person to share their story of His redemption?  Can the leaders trust that if anything out of their control happens, God will use it for His good?  Can we, today, trust that God uses His people telling their stories to further His kingdom; or do we only place our trust in carefully thought out, well-annotated, pre-approved sermons?

The subscription to highly organized lessons calls into question whether some people are actually called to share their stories.  [Note I say some, not all.]  Indeed, Christ Himself, tasked the man who had been possessed by a legion of demons not to become one of His followers, but to “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you” (Mark 5:19).  Why?  We learn from the surrounding verses that to see a man (who had previously broken through chains and stalked through the tombs cutting himself while night and day crying out) calmly proclaiming his salvation would amaze all who knew him.  Christ didn’t send His apostles to tell the populace of the miracles He preformed.  He sent the person He healed because people needed to marvel at the change; to say, “We knew this person when he/she was wounded; and now, look…!  We can not deny the power and authority of Jesus!”

For millennia, God has been using the stories of the broken, the lost, and the sinner, from their own mouths, to call others into His kingdom.  It could be because God knows we are afraid to admit the depravity in our own souls to Him [though He is aware of it already].  It could be because He delights in our show of love for Him in this way.  It could be because if you are an utterly broken, deceived, and struggling soul, you have a hard time personalizing messages from the seemingly pious folk behind the podium.  And so, you need to hear from someone who has tread the ground in which you are now mired.  You need to see the face of one who has been freed from the prison in which you are languishing.  You need to experience the presence of someone who has been held captive, but is now free through Christ.

Jesus, being fully God and therefore aware of the hearts of humanity, knew that we need to see, to touch, to personally encounter stories of healing and redemption so that we might recognize the need for this power in our lives.  Because in truth, these testimonies give glory to God, with no person or program or production standing in the way.  All the glory, honor, and worship are His!  And the Lord is made famous, not the teacher.

Who are we?

We have been given a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of dispair.  Through the righteousness of Christ, we are like great oaks that the Lord has planted for His own glory! ~ Isaiah 61:3

I was recently asked to share my story at a reunion celebration for Surrendering the Secret, as a token representation of where each of us has been and from what we have come through. However, in asking the Lord what to say, He reminded me that my story is not about what I've been through or work I have done, nor the works of others helping me heal this pain from my past. Instead, my story is one of many; each one meant to glorify the name of the Lord. Every redemption a praise offering to Him for healing this wound in His bride.

I am humbled to be able to be amongst those who know the tremendous blessing it is for each fo us to hear our redeemer's voice through Surrendering the Secret. This sisterhood is comprise of women from our early 20's to late 60's. We are your pew mates, your friends, your daughters, your ministry leaders, your pastor's wives, your Bible study teachers, your sisters. We come from strong Christian upbringings and non-believing homes. We have experienced abortion as long ago as 30 years, or as recently as 2 days prior to finding our Surrendering group.

• One out of every 4 pregnancies conceived in the United States is terminated through abortion (about 1.2 million per year).


• In more than 14 metropolitan areas, abortions outnumber live births.


• More than 30 million abortions have occurred since 1973.


• Approximately 45% of women seeking abortion today have had at least one prior abortion.*

We each have hidden from our pain using drugs or alcohol, relationships, eating disorders, perfectionism, our earthly children, careers, image manipulation, our church persona, even service to our Lord. Yet for all that hiding, we felt separated, distant from God. Alone. Like we were the only one not able to look our Heavenly Father completely in His eyes.

• 
  
  92% of women who've had abortions experience emotional deadening


• 
  
  86% experience anger or rage


• 
  
  86% fear others finding out


• 
  
  82% experience intense feelings of loneliness or isolation


• 
  
  63% experience denial


• 
  
  58% battle nightmares


• 
  
  56% develop suicidal feelings


• 
  
  53% engage in drug abuse


• 
  
  39% have eating disorders**

Until whatever initially drew our attention to Surrendering the Secretunsettled something inside of us, so that our spirits would no be quiet.  Because in our hearts, places we might not have even admitted to ourselves, we knew God had something to say about our past abortions.  So we make that phone call, get into a group, and then some of us try desperately to get out of said group.  Eventually, we make it through the doors, wearing our masks of "I'm fine;" but underneath we are broken, frightened, and ashamed.  We spend time in God's Word, the only thing that will set us on the path to His healing.  As the weeks progress, we peel off layer after layer of the shame we endured, the lies we've believed, the anger we buried, and the pain we cling to.  We surrender all of our secret to Christ, until we kneel at the foot of the cross, ready to finally trade our past for the promise of His future.

And then, what initially brought us to this group is no longer what defines us; nor does it bind us in sisterhood now.  We are now defined, along with every believer, as a beloved child of God through Jesus Christ ~ a holy people redeemed by the Lord for His glory (Isaiah 62:12).

*http://www.awpm.net/abortion_facts.php

**Layton, Pat.  Surrendering the Secret: Healing the Heartbreak of Abortion. Lifeway Press, 2008. pg. 45