grundge

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Here's the Thing: The World is Not our Home

   – on the Passing of Chuck Smith, Pastor, Calvary Chapel

This article may be surprising to you, reader, if you have followed me here for any length of time.  While I do NOT tolerate church or pastor bashing, it is apparent that Pastor Chuck Smith and I have marked differences in our theologies. 
                   And that’s okay.

His views on women in ministry and leadership are directly opposed to mine; but it’s okay.  Because we are members of the same body, grafted-in kids of the same family, followers and worshipers of the One, True God and His Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  And were it not for Chuck Smith’s Calvary Chapel movement-turned-denomination, I might not have been a Christ follower at all.  Though my conversion did not occur in one of their sanctuaries, Calvary Chapel Albuquerque was the church I crawled into for the year preceding; and Calvary Chapel Brighton was the church in which my faith began to flourish following and at which I was baptized.
So I guess that makes Pastor Chuck Smith my great-great-great- *(much like the Jewish genealogies, there are certain, necessary gaps here)* great, spiritual grandfather.  I wonder how many millions of other believers can say something like that as well.  So, regardless of our theological affiliations, we do well to honor this man who impacted so many lives for the Kingdom of God.        

Yet, two things concern me.  First, that the Christians who hold similar theological views as mine will use this as an opportunity to bash the pastor, his theology, or his following. 

     God, let us be emissaries of Your peace and comfort, remembering our common core:
                                    The blood of Jesus Christ.

Second, that today and in the days that follow, as is so often the case when a believer dies, we will hear a litany of “this world wasn’t his home.”  Okay, I get that a believer’s ultimate destination is the NEW Heaven and NEW Earth; but for 86 years, this world was Pastor Smith’s home.  He grew up here, fell in love here, married here; he reared children, and raised up a generation of believers, and he no doubt toiled and laughed and loved on this earth.  This earth created by Our Beloved Maker for that express purpose: so that we may have a home. 
God, in His sovereignty, saw it fit to create this world and still sees fit to populate and sustain it.  So please, though a believer’s destination in the Age to Come is the NEW Heaven and NEW Earth, let us not be flippant about the earth we have been given charge of now.  Let us not so look for the outcome that we miss the beauty in our journey here.  Let us remember that though we are eventually meant for an eternity in God’s presence, we are before that, residents of this earth which God in His wisdom and love created for us.

Though I did not know if I will meet Pastor Smith in the New Heaven, for the Bible is silent on the relationships of humanity once we are there ensconced, I am thankful for his and his family’s dedication to the gospel, and to advancing the Kingdom of God.  I am thankful for his obedience in sparking a movement in California in the 70’s, that reached all the way to a small-town girl in the 2000’s, who thus grew in love with the Lord so that she is decades later free to attend Seminary in Colorado.   

May our Father, the God of all Comfort and Peace, be with Pastor Smith’s loved ones through even this.  Go in peace, brother.



Tuesday, October 1, 2013

How to do this, Theologically

Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance…
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
 
There have been times that I have found myself in my seminary classes listening to my professors, and prayerfully wondering: why am I the one who has been given the opportunity to learn what isn’t being taught in most churches?  It’s not fair.  There are so many who would benefit from the wisdom and knowledge that I have been given.   And the answer that comes is, simply, so that I can share it with those who have been given other experiences.  For as we are all one body in Christ, we each are called to bring our encounters and knowledge to the proverbial table and enrich one another’s lives, for the glory of God.  Just as it is the heart’s duty to beat and the knee’s to bend, so we should each employ the talents we have and the gifts we have been given for the edification of our fellow members.  Thus, dear reader, I ask that you not think that by attempting this series on Theology I am placing myself on equal footing with Theologians who have devoted their entire lives to the study of God.   Quite the opposite!  I present this information to you as one who is learning it myself.  I am your friend who learned to ski last winter, and has this season invited you along to experience the thrilling majesty that I, of late, have discovered.  I am fulfilling my commitment to freely share what I have freely received.

Library of Congress, foyer ceiling, June 14, 2013

To that caveat I will add one more: I have vetted what I offer here.  These are snippets of exercises I performed under direct supervision of deans and doctors of theology.  And I assure you that I will present nothing that earned less than an “A.”  For just as you wouldn’t want a medical doctor who is barely competent, nor should you want someone feeding you theology that is lacking.  For lack can lead to off.           
For the duration of this series, we will address one theological topic per week.  This means that there is no way, in an eight week series, that we can address all topics related to theology.  To do so, justly, would take a lifetime.  Instead, I have chosen two topics each from the following categories: God’s attributes [what makes God who He is], God’s revelation [how we know who He is], and God’s relationship with human beings [how God relates to us as a part of His creation].  For each topic, I will post a brief introduction with definitions on Monday and will commence with the theological discussion on Tuesday.  I have indicated below the dates these will be posted.  I want to encourage you: find someone with whom you can discuss the topics we're going to cover.  Really.  Invite a friend or spouse or other family member to read along with you.  And then, talk about it.  God will use this other person to help you see more of who God is, trust me.  Who knows, you might spark a relationship that finds grounding in prayer and theology! 

I have also selected a scripture or two, noted below, on which I will focus that week’s discussion.  I also want to encourage you to read the scriptures prior to reading the corresponding lesson.  Spend time prayerfully reflecting on each passage.  If you have time, see if you can find corresponding passages to study through the week, or consider using them as a memory verse for the week.  But know that none of this should be done to "impress" God or your theology partner, vanity and pride have no place in the study of God.  Again, trust me on that one!  And as always, ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the scriptures for you, open your heart to God’s voice, and seek to gain wisdom in and of Him.  Our God delights in answering these prayers!        

Attributes: October
Revelation:  November
Relationship: December

Library of Congress, foyer staircase, June 14, 2013


Curious about where we’ve been during this study?  Click on the links below to see more.
Why do we need theology anyway?

 

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Theology, the importance of

You can be honest, reader, I won’t berate you.  You can tell me that theology is boring, or stuffy, or gets in the way of real faith, or is best left to those in seminaries or academia.  Besides, it isn’t something that Jesus spent a whole lot of time on, so why should we? 

Aside from that last assumption, to which I will return to at the close of this series, I want to say that if you hold these opinions, I think you’ve fallen under a popular line of thought that tells us, among other things, that religion is a waste of time, that truth-claims are invasive and offend, that we should focus on our personal relationship with Jesus or serve to exhaustion rather than selfishly spend time examining our ideas about God.
I offer, in counter, this:

If you don’t know the God with whom you claim to have a relationship,
how can you love Him?  How can you serve Him?  How can you glorify Him?

The oft-quoted A. W. Tozer said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”  And I agree; because it is what we know, what we believe, what we think about God that drives us.  Our beliefs feed who we are, they inform how we live, and they compel us to act and think and speak the way we do.  An atheist or an agnostic both have a theology.  The atheist thinks God doesn’t exist, and lives his or her life out of this belief.  The agnostic isn’t sure, and lives his or her life out of this questioning.  The Christian believes God and Jesus Christ exist; and he or she and lives thusly.  It is what the Christian believes about God that informs his or her choices.  The idea of an angry, vengeful God spawns angry and wrathful followers.  The theology of a God that is only love breeds tolerance that would make the Corinthians blush.      
Thus theology is not merely the laborious task of systemizing  dogma and doctrine, best left to those fuddy-duddies in academia; theology, rather, is what we think about God.  And it is how we live our lives.  Our theology makes each one of us who we are.  Therefore, theological exploration isn’t just for the seeker, the new believer, or the apologist.  It is necessary for every believer. 

Why?
Consider the fact that (if you attend church), you are subjecting yourself to the theology of a certain denomination or teacher.  And you are experiencing their theology as it is lived out before you.  If you do not have a solid grasp on who God is, how will you know if your church’s teachings or practices are representing to you and others the God of the Bible?  Because your pastor says so?  Because you feel good when you’re worshipping?  Or, because you’ve examined the scriptures alongside the stated beliefs and practices of your church and they line up?  A grounding in good theology is the responsibility of every believer, should be the practice of every church body, and the foundation for a life lived in Christ.    

Have you, dear reader, ever looked at your church’s statement of belief?  In our increasingly electronic age, most churches have one somewhere on their web page.  Bear in mind a statement of faith is not the same as a mission statement.  A mission or vision statement is action-oriented and presumes the tenents of a doctrinal/belief/faith statement.  Last year, my family and I went to a local mega-church that does not list their beliefs online, merely their mission.  When we attended the church, we went to the newcomer’s desk and asked for a copy of their beliefs (this was part of an assignment for a class).  In response to our request, we were told, “We believe in the Bible.”  To which the Officer replied, “So do Mormons.”  Our thus flummoxed hostess encouraged us to speak to the lead pastor.  We did.  Sadly, he was equally helpful in directing us back to their mission statement.[1]  What does it say about a church whose senior pastor cannot articulate what his or her flock believes?  How can this pastor, the elders, or even the congregants be sure that they are staying within the bounds scripture, or that they are not creating a god in the image that suits their congregation and ideas best?  How can we know that we are worshiping and serving the One True God, if we can’t even say what we believe about Him?  These are questions with which I will wrestle in the coming weeks – what does it look like when we engage theology fully?        
I encourage you this week, even if you have done so in the past, look at your church’s statement of faith.  If they don’t have one online, shoot your pastor an e-mail requesting one (you can tell him or her to thank me for this).  Once you’re read it thoroughly and carefully, ask yourself if what they say they believe mirrors scripture.  Does what they preach follow scripture and their statement of faith?  Does how they behave? 

Consider for a moment a church that, in their statement of faith, says:

We believe that the gifts of evangelist, pastor and teacher are for the perfecting of the saints today to prepare God’s people for works of service so that the body of Christ may be built up. God supernaturally and graciously grants spiritual gifts to every believer for the purpose of serving the body of Christ.[2]

Sounds good.  Lines up with scripture.  Gives each member of the church a view of communal service and a hope that he or she may be used by God for His works.  Now, what if that church does not allow women to teach, nor to administer communion or collect offering?  Does this practice align with their stated belief?  Or, are they contradicting themselves with the subtle belief that the gifts God gives to women are not for the full body of Christ?         
 
As evidenced above, thoughtful examination of one’s theology and that of one’s church is vital to ensuring harmony in one’s living out the gospel of Jesus Christ and glorifying our Heavenly Father.  Thus, for the next eight weeks, I want to spend time examining scripture, and thinking deeply, in regard to a few key elements of Christian Theology.  And I want you to join me.   Don’t worry, this will not be practiced without proper guidance (I have at my disposal numerous mentors, both living and paper); and I’ll have some examples of what “bad” theology is and where is can lead.  As always, I’m open to questions and debate, so long as they are thoughtful and constructive.     

I look forward to diving into theology with you, dear reader.  I pray it draws each of us to a deeper understand of who our amazing and glorious God truly is.

 




[1] I use this personal narrative to provide anecdotal evidence for what goes on in some churches, NOT to tear down any particular group of believers or denomination.  While visiting this congregation (which I did over the course of a few months), they taught sound doctrine and appeared to live it out as well.  Thus, not every church that does not have a statement of faith on hand is bad.  This simply means that as a Christ-follower, you have the duty to pay extra attention to what is taught and practiced so that you are aware – frankly, it makes for more work on the individual’s part, but can be done.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Personhood - a response to lies embedded in the poems of our culture

I hate the words, “I’ll be honest,” because they insinuate a time when I’m not, yet they feel like the lead-in I can’t find right now. 
So,
I’ll be honest.

There are nights when I troll; and in the rabbit hole in which I invariably find myself, it is waiting.  Despite the neat, color-coded, glossy picture-framed schedule I’ve made for myself, the one that allots two hours a day for writing on any topic that presses itself on my heart, there are nights when I ignore these self-inflicted parameters because all I’m trying to do is find beauty in a world gone dark. 
Some people paint.  I am stilled before the muslin, the colors garish and too loud.  Choices swirling, overwhelmed and childish.  Some compose melodies.  And though I ache to inhabit the music, I can only appreciate from a distance.  Tuneless, with faded skills, I am an Alzheimer’s patient sitting idly at a piano, searching for chords that beckon from just beyond the fog of memory.

Instead, I bleed words.
                Bleed.

So I search poetry slams, clicking one after another, looking for the one that will lift me, one that will unveil beauty.  One that holds the words that will crack open my soul to let the light in.
And there it is.  There it always is.

Personhood.


On the tail of this word dangles a litany of reasons why legislators and men and those-who-haven’t-been-raped are not permitted to comment on this particular topic.  Yet, as a human drawing breath, one who started life as a fetus – like we all do -- and was given the privilege of developing into a reasoning, art-creating, thoughtful person, I am compelled to disagree at every point. 
Because one can’t stack evil against evil in hopes of outweighing the other.  You can’t say the race of human cannot address murder until we’ve legalized gay marriage.  You can’t say that the race of human can’t stop infanticide until we’ve given immigrants full access to well-funded medical care.  You can’t say that the race of human can’t stop killing babies until the child-soldiers and sex-slaves the world ‘round are freed.  You can’t say that the race of human must ignore the genocide in our midst until we have assigned value to every person this side of a cervix. 

You can’t say any of this as a means of delaying the already-concluded argument that ABORTION IS MURDER.  To do so evidences a nihilistic approach to life.  One which is impossible to maintain.  None of these reasons, despite the cheers and applause with which each was met, holds any logical weight.    

                Because from the time the race of human started keeping records, we have killed infants.  We have enslaved children.  We have prostituted women and girls.  We have made boys die for the ideals of old men.  We have violated every kindness ever shown to us.  The race of human is historically corrupt.  I am willing to wager my life that even before the race of human started keeping records we were corrupted, killing and enslaving and raping our fellows; it’s merely that we have no hard evidence to prove my claim. 
We are a bent and fallen race.  We are hosts of evil.  We are the wrong we find in the world.

Yet it was not meant to be so.  We were designed to be the good in the world.  We were designed to be the beauty, to be the incubators of life, of hope, of joy in a cosmos full of light and music and color. 
We can be again.  We have been given this chance through death.  Through bloodshed.  Through willful murder. 

It is through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Only Son of the Living God, that the race of human can be restored to beauty.  To life.  To love.  We can become the hosts of light and poetry and hope that we were originally intended to be.  If only we believe.  If only we recognize the evil in ourselves and flee from it.  If only we cry out, “God, forgive me!”  And then live thusly.
This means loving every other human on this spinning rock.  This means sacrificially giving of yourself for the sake of another human – one you might not understand, might not even like.  This means being the love and light that you desire to see in the world. 

And this can only be done through the power of the Holy Spirit, by the sacrifice of the Son, for the glory of the Father. 
So that every member of the human race, regardless of the proximity to the cervix that served as the gateway to life and death, is deemed a PERSON.

Because that is how GOD sees every single member of the race of human.  Regardless of whether we as a culture do or not.

 

        

 

 

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Here's the thing: Modesty


This is a topic that I’ve been meaning to address in more detail, as it is one fraught with many-layered hurt on both sides.  But this morning, as I was sipping my coffee and scrolling through Twitter, I noticed Rachel Held Evan’s link to this article over at Her*mentutics, the feminine arm of Christianity Today:



I read the article, which is thoughtful and well-articulated, as well as the early comments.  And once again, I found myself disagreeing with Ms. Held Evans (no, I will not turn in my feminist card, thank-you-very-much). 
You see, I am a late comer to this faith party, the Mowgli of Christianity.  I was raised outside of the nuanced, Louis XIV world of Evangelical modesty. I spent the first few years struggling under the weight of trying to catch up to these gilded-cradle royals; tugging at my skirts, folding my arms over my chest, keeping my eyes on the floor, and flushing when older women in the church talked to me about dressing modestly because their sons and husbands shouldn’t have to be confronted with the female form while they’re trying to worship.  Their eyebrows were raised in judgment at my plunging neckline and snug fit of my shirt; when all I wanted was to be done wearing maternity clothes so I could feel pretty and to have easy access so I could nurse my baby and get back into service.   
But, reader, I am also the wife to a man who, many years ago, struggled with lust.  I am too familiar with that haunted darkness.  So hurt by this sin that I began to objectify my sisters for the opposite reason.  I became the haughty judge of short-lengths and necklines, the disgusted tisk-er at barely-there swimsuits, the bent and frowning, bitter woman who loathed women dressing intentionally provocatively.  Because it might draw men’s eyes; it might somehow diminish my beauty.  Sin heaping upon sin. 
Sin has a way of devastating everyone involved - and causing all effected to stumble.        
As we healed from this, and the many other sins I inflicted on our marriage, I recovered my knowledge of truth.  That women, being created in the image of God, are inherently beautiful, our beauty a gift to be delighted in and shared.  For when this beauty is objectified, bartered, or shamed, it is not because of us – the debt of that sin is heavy on the one who acts upon it.  So I read articles like that above with great trepidation.  I have heard many voices telling their stories of shame – because they weren’t allowed to lead worship, lest their figure cause male congregants to lust.  I can’t imagine how much that must hurt.  To be told you can’t exercise the gift you’ve been given because of who you are.  And I have watched as good men fell head-long into the ocean of lust, dragging their families to drowning with them.  As a feminist, and mother of a soon-to-be-teenaged daughter, I do not want my child to objectified, to be seen as a sum of her reproductive parts – to be made less in the eyes of males.  Nor do I want my son to reduce any female to that either.
And that’s the thing: I struggle with how to honor God, both sexes, the beauty He created in them, and how to guide my children away from the miry pits of inappropriate seduction and lust.      
 
I agree with both the author, Peter Chin, and Rachel Held Evans in that lust is a sin in the heart of the individual.
The responsibility for lust cannot be levied on its object.
 I also agree with Rachel in that women should be dressing to please the Lord and not humanity.  Dressing to please the Lord must have as its inception one’s love of God and, therefore, love of others, as Jesus noted that these are the greatest commandments [Matt 22:37-39].  Paul’s exhortation in Romans 14 is applicable to the modesty discussion because he notes that our willful actions [dressing to attract the attention of either sex] can cause other believers to stumble.  Knowingly causing a brother or sister to stumble is not loving them.  As Paul asserts, the love to which believers are called requires the voluntary abdication of personal freedom for the sake of another; it requires self-sacrifice.
Therefore, dressing to please the Lord carries with it the responsibility of considering others and how our actions might affect them, as much as glancing at an attractive person carries with it the individual’s responsibility to guard against lust.

What are your thoughts, reader?  How do you address modesty – with your children (male and female), with your spouse, with yourself? 

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Worship {An interlude}

I have spent these last few days in a posture of repentance, and of forgiveness. 

                It is no surprise that these two are so closely intertwined. 
I have written these sins in black ink upon linen paper.  These sins marked deep in the grooves of my heart.  And I have burned the vestiges of these wrongs – sending their ash to the heavens, to the Only One who can make each one right.  The One who Restores what has been lost.  The One who Redeems what has been Stolen.  The One who conquers the ground given to the enemy. 

These two, forgiveness and repentance, have to come before worship.  It is as Jesus said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” [Matthew5:23-24] 
And it is worship to which my soul has longed to return.  That for which I, and you, dear one, have been created:

                Worship of the One, True God. 
And I have committed my heart to worship.  Not to singing and clapping and dancing as though joy were the only emotion I know.  But to worship – to be delighted and afraid of the God who gives birth to stars with merely a breath.  To be in awe and wonder of the God who numbers the days of my life, and those whom I love.  To love and revere the God who loves every person, though this love is rarely returned, and is never perfected while we toil on this barren rock. 

I have purposed my mind to knowing the God of all Creation.  That includes knowing of Him, knowing about Him, and seeking after Him as earnestly as I can.  For Theology is worship, as is music.  And Ontology can cause a heart to dance, as wondrously as a song.
I have set out to follow after the desire of my heart, no longer the confines of humanity.  I will not allow these bent children, though of Light themselves, to dictate what is and what is not worship.  That which draws me to my God, makes Him known to me, makes me humbled before Him, is what I will declare as my worship.  If my heart is not light, I will not clap my hands.  If my eyes will not weep, I will shout with joy that His love fills my soul. 

I will remember that God finds us where we stand.  He leaves the 99 to seek after the 1.  And I, and you, beloved, am the 1.  God meets us wherever we are.  And He loves us however we are – for while we were still sinners, God sent His Only Son to die for our sins, that we might be called the children of God. [Romans 5:8] 
 


Join me, children of God.  Join me in worshipping our God.  His is the Name above all names.  He is the King of kings and Lord of lords.  He is the alpha and the omega; the Author of our lives and the Creator of the universe.  And we were created to worship Him. 
Wherever you are, however you choose, worship the God you made you, the God who saves you, the God who, in spite of you, loves you. 

For the Glory of His Kingdom.

Amen. 

 

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Here's the Thing: Porch Madness


Let’s just state the obvious, shall we? 

          It’s been awhile. 
If you’re still there, reader: Thank You.  Truly, I’m humbled that you’ve come back, too.

I have opened this blog almost daily these past two months, and have stared at the blinking cursor, waiting for all that’s in me to come flooding out. 
But that’s the thing: there wasn’t much in me to pour out.  Not for any reason other than inside was – quiet. 

I was – I am still – passionate about how God loves His children, regardless of their gender, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sin-affinity, failings or achievements.  I will never acquiesce to even the idea that we can thoughtfully and logically say abortion is okay.  I love God’s church, Christ’s body and bride; but I still have such a hard time with how we treat one another, both inside and outside her walls.  I know that marriage was created by God, and as such, should reflect His perfect and loving relationship within the Trinity; and I believe (scripturally) that this is an equal and sacrificial love, that should neither dominate nor diminish either person.   I continue to delight in seeing God working in and through His children in spite of ourselves.    

I needed to delineate all of this because, for a while now, I feel like I’ve gotten a bit off track.  Like I took a turn down a winding path, that wasn’t necessarily wrong, but in a very Frost-ian way has made too great a difference in what these words have become.  It was only when I stopped, looked around and listened to where I was, that I realized this wasn’t where I’d set out to go.  Thus, I felt the need to articulate my path clearly, both for myself and for anyone still reading.    
I was listening to many different voices, some living, others gone to their eternity; and I found myself trying to appease each one.  To incorporate their influence, draw from their wisdom, and respond to their views.  Again, while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it took my focus away from where it should be.   

Years ago, maybe five or six, the Officer and I decided to add a paver stone porch to our yard.  We measured. hauled sand, pounded it down, and began the tedious task of placing each square; making certain every single one was aligned and sloped away from the house at just the right angle so that water wouldn’t pool and the porch would be perfectly smooth.  The task was daunting, taking days to complete.  And because I have hidden perfectionist tendencies, I spent more time with each individual square than I should have.  I got mired down in making every single one as perfect as I could.  It wasn’t long before I found insurmountable faults with each one.  The tiniest discrepancy became something that was going to throw the entire design to ruin.   And I lost sight of the project as a whole; my vision narrowed so completely that it encompassed on the brick before me. 
Eventually, the Officer coaxed my eyes to see the entirety of our project: how far we’d come, how pretty our results were to that point, and the potential that was even more evident in light of our progress.  I needed to take my eyes of the task just before me and see a greater scope.     

I mention this story, because it’s indicative of what’s happened over the past few months.  I narrowed my focus too much, saw too many troubles before me, and lost sight of what I had set out to do in the first place:
To share the truth I have learned with any who will listen.

So in the interim, I have been slowing down, watching rainstorms and marveling at their inherent beauty.  Studying the faces of my loved ones and soaking in the God-in-them I see there.  I’ve also been doing some repenting (a lot, actually).  I’ve been doing some listening (probably not as much as I should, honestly).  And I’ve been working on re-adjusting my thinking. 
And I’m to the point now that I’m going to do what I started out doing, not what I devolved into.  I’m going to focus on a theme for a few weeks at a time, sticking close to Scripture and worship.  And because I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time, I’ll be peppering these articles with an occasional with a segment I’m calling “Here’s the Thing,” in which I’ll comment on a topic with my unabashed personal (though one hopes Scripturally-informed) opinion, or review a book (of theological bent) I’ve read.   As always, I invite questions of all kinds and comments, so long as they are respectful and thoughtful.  I maintain sole ownership of the content here, so anything I deem rude, hurtful, or slanderous will be removed.

I hope you’ll join me.