For the days, when facing Goliath feels too big

I finally heard it for myself, in a place where I can no more pretend to ignore it.  My stomach coiled, anticipating the trajectory of the answer,

“Can women be elders?” 

The question wasn’t mine, yet it was asked on my behalf.  Though I already knew the answer, had read the official stance on the website, had heard the explanation/justification/rationalization from the lead pastor.

Sitting in the room, a circle of chairs wound ‘round the non-working fireplace to give the feeling of community, I felt the crushing heaviness again.  The kind that pushes down so hard you can’t even lift your head.  There was a line of black electrical tape on the floor in front of me.  In that place, it divided the beige carpet.   The carpet on the left, exactly the same – made in precisely same way, for exactly the same purpose, for the very same room – as the carpet on the right.  Only burdened with the dividing black line much later, by hands other than the builder’s.  A division with a distinct, likely temporary, purpose.  But as those words fell from the mouth of authority, that black line was all I could see. 

“Women who want the title aren’t the kind you want

as spiritual leaders.”[1]

I was recently told that Israel’s King Saul was chosen, in part, because he was literally head-and-shoulders above his countrymen.  His height and strength to be a symbol for them of justice and righteousness; he was to be their hero in battle and their clarion call to worship.  And yet, when Goliath stood in front of the Israelite army, Saul was back in his tent.  Choosing to not fight.  Saul versus Goliath could have been a match for the ages: Israel’s mightiest versus the Philistine’s greatest. Instead, while their heroic leader stuck to his tent and Goliath hurled taunts, the Israelites’ courage faltered.  No one strode out to meet this giant’s challenges.  No one moved.  No one uttered a sound.[2] 

Because scripture is God’s story, I can’t give any why that isn’t implicit in the text (cf. John 3:16).[3]  I can’t say why the Israelites stood by, why Saul cowered in his tent, or even why Goliath was allowed to insult the Israelites at all.  But I can imagine a human why.  A fleshly logic, emotive born, that held each warrior fast to his place.  Why I would have stood there:  Goliath was too big.  Too mighty.  Too imposing to fight.  And the fact that their leader, their national hero, was nowhere to be found could only give further evidence that this was a battle already lost.     

Some days, the days when the banner hangs limp, when wounds are too fresh and spirits too weary, armor too dented and too many friends lay stilled, the days when Goliath’s mocking sounds too much like truth. 

Days when it feels easier to lift wrists readied for shackles than to pick up sword and spear and shield only to press on, forward into a battle that seems already gone.

I get it, this passivity of the Israelites.  On those days, I want to let go, to surrender to powers far greater than I.  I want avoid battles that are too taxing, asking too much of me and my kin.  I want to stand fast in my spot, not stepping one breath out of the line of my brethren.  I stand before Goliath and am too discouraged to muster.

Yet, the things that are most worth doing are the hardest.  And sometimes require standing up, on behalf of those who otherwise cannot.  Not for the sake of division, but rather in the hope and spirit of grace and unity.  Because in the struggle against the way things are now, we might carve out a way things should and will one day be.  A heavenward orientation that was designed in the beginning, restored through the incarnation, and looked for in the age to come.  And even in the face of a persistent and mighty oppressor, with leaders sometimes hiding and heroes silent, hope remains.  Hope remains because I chance to stumble upon encouragement, timely and direct, from others within the body of Christ.  Reminders that not all endorse the silencing of voices within the body.  Reminders that for those weary souls who watch for hope on the horizon, others stand in unity, lending their strength in my weakness.  It was not designed this way.  All was changed with Jesus’ appearance into the time and place of humanity.  And as weighty as this millstone feels, it has been lifted from about my neck. 

Today, on the heels of heavy words all too familiar, I read encouragement from another part of the body.  Today, I recognize that I stand not alone.  And when I am too weakened, by the loop-holes and backwards-progression of placating diversions, others stronger than I will offer their voices because I am muted before Goliath.          

And that, dear ones, is exactly what the Israelites needed.  Before this great foe, they needed someone, stronger in that moment, to stand in the gap.  Someone to rise up on behalf of those too weary, too unsteady, to do it themselves.

So on the days when Goliath seems too mighty, when shackles are preferential to spears, when the battle feels already lost; on those days, I pray that you have encouragement.  I pray that you know the Truth.  I pray that you let Jesus stand in the gap, so hope may point you to a time yet to come,

where equality is realized in the body of Christ, through the blood of Jesus, for the glory of God.

  

“To the daughters of the Kingdom who still wrestle with the ‘women must be silent’ mindset, and to those who continue to struggle to be heard within the confines of patriarchal traditionalism, I would encourage you:  Find your voice and end the silence!  And when you find it ‘go and say.’  Do not stop speaking of what you have seen and heard. The brethren, the world and heaven itself strain to hear the sound of your testimony that Christ is risen and indeed we are His witnesses.”

From: “Go and Say: The Silencing of Women’s Witness” on The CBE Scroll 2/20/12

               

  

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[1] See Part 2 of this post for a continuation of this conversation.  And if you're so inclined, check out a similar conversation on the CBE Scroll entitled, "Does the Title 'Pastor' Mean I'm Power-Hungry?"

[2] For the biblical account, see 1 Samuel 17:1-16

[3]John 3:16 ~ for God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

HALO rescue operation

Some time ago (or perhaps not that long), my husband tested for the opportunity to become a member of one of the most elite combat rescue teams in today’s military ~ USAF Pararescue, or PJ’s as they are more commonly referred to. He passed of course (though some sources say the failure rate is upwards of 80%); but chose marriage over combat, much to the distress and fury of all his drill instructors. Since then, I have held a minute fascination with the mindset of these men, willing and capable of putting so much on the line. Daily. Without hesitation. In fact, they long for it.

(Now, I am personally unable of doing what they do; of enduring what their families are asked to endure. And in no way do I intend any disrespect to them with what I am about to say. Imitation is the truest form of flattery; I hold them in highest esteem, which is why I aspire thus.)

The motto of PJ’s is: “That others may live.” Their symbol, a parachute backing an angel holding the world, is called the “angel of mercy.” Their objective: not "seek and destroy" (Navy Seals), but "seek and save" ~ to rescue pilots downed behind enemy lines and safely return these servicemen to their home. They willingly hurl themselves out of planes, directly into the enemy’s territory, to find, give medical attention to, and lead to safety those who the enemy has crippled with hostile fire; at very immediate risk to their own lives.

Spiritually speaking, we as Christians are at war. Our enemy is prowling, devouring brothers and sisters from our very ranks, as well as those who have yet to receive salvation. He is bombarding us daily with hostile fire; sometimes with arrows, sometimes Howitzer rounds.

Effective and accurate though the enemy may be, we serve a God who hears the cries of His afflicted children. For one wound in particular, He has anointed a group of women, whom I am humbled beyond measure to count as my sisters in arms, to act as spiritual PJ’s for women captured by the enemy. This sisterhood is comprised of women leaders and prayers involved in the study, Surrendering the Secret: Healing the Heartbreak of Abortion. The captives, post-abortive women, have been downed behind the enemy’s lines, wounded and wandering, aching for hope, and yearning for rescue.

The Surrendering the Secret sisters (the STS, leaders and prayer warriors alike) take up the sword of the Spirit, don the full armor of God, and launch themselves directly behind enemy lines to lead wounded captives to freedom. During the course of this rescue mission, STS families are subject to spiritual warfare unparalleled in the common church. Marriages are attacked, children are targeted, emotions leveled with landmines, and the spirits of these women are accosted on all sides; they become battered and weary. Yet none would trade a day of this battle for hundreds of peace; the goal far too important; the task too worthy; the Commander too glorious to deny. These women fight for, tend to, cajole, and sometimes even carry their downed sisters through the enemy’s landscape (their pasts) to the vista of the cross. And when the cross is reached, the captive women exchange their shackles for the redemption of Christ. The rescued become fellow sisters, no longer behind enemy lines, but free.

That others may live ~ in the fullness of freedom in Christ!