How to do this, Theologically

Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance…

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.

~ Proverbs 1:5,7

 

There have been times that I have found myself in my seminary classes listening to my professors, and prayerfully wondering: why am I the one who has been given the opportunity to learn what isn’t being taught in most churches?  It’s not fair.  There are so many who would benefit from the wisdom and knowledge that I have been given.   And the answer that comes is, simply, so that I can share it with those who have been given other experiences.  For as we are all one body in Christ, we each are called to bring our encounters and knowledge to the proverbial table and enrich one another’s lives, for the glory of God.  Just as it is the heart’s duty to beat and the knee’s to bend, so we should each employ the talents we have and the gifts we have been given for the edification of our fellow members.  Thus, dear reader, I ask that you not think that by attempting this series on Theology I am placing myself on equal footing with Theologians who have devoted their entire lives to the study of God.   Quite the opposite!  I present this information to you as one who is learning it myself.  I am your friend who learned to ski last winter, and has this season invited you along to experience the thrilling majesty that I, of late, have discovered.  I am fulfilling my commitment to freely share what I have freely received.

Library of Congress, foyer ceiling, June 14, 2013

To that caveat I will add one more: I have vetted what I offer here.  These are snippets of exercises I performed under direct supervision of deans and doctors of theology.  And I assure you that I will present nothing that earned less than an “A.”  For just as you wouldn’t want a medical doctor who is barely competent, nor should you want someone feeding you theology that is lacking.  For lack can lead to off.           

For the duration of this series, we will address one theological topic per week.  This means that there is no way, in an eight week series, that we can address all topics related to theology.  To do so, justly, would take a lifetime.  Instead, I have chosen two topics each from the following categories: God’s attributes [what makes God who He is], God’s revelation [how we know who He is], and God’s relationship with human beings [how God relates to us as a part of His creation].  For each topic, I will post a brief introduction with definitions on Monday and will commence with the theological discussion on Tuesday.  I have indicated below the dates these will be posted.  I want to encourage you: find someone with whom you can discuss the topics we're going to cover.  Really.  Invite a friend or spouse or other family member to read along with you.  And then, talk about it.  God will use this other person to help you see more of who God is, trust me.  Who knows, you might spark a relationship that finds grounding in prayer and theology! 

I have also selected a scripture or two, noted below, on which I will focus that week’s discussion.  I also want to encourage you to read the scriptures prior to reading the corresponding lesson.  Spend time prayerfully reflecting on each passage.  If you have time, see if you can find corresponding passages to study through the week, or consider using them as a memory verse for the week.  But know that none of this should be done to "impress" God or your theology partner, vanity and pride have no place in the study of God.  Again, trust me on that one!  And as always, ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the scriptures for you, open your heart to God’s voice, and seek to gain wisdom in and of Him.  Our God delights in answering these prayers!        

Attributes: October

• Omnipresence: Psalm 139:7-15
• Transcendence:  Exodus 33:18-19; Isaiah 6:1-4

Revelation:  November

• The Inerrancy of Scripture: 2 Peter 3:16
• Jesusas particular revelation:  Matt 11:27

Relationship: December

• Human Being, the Imago Dei:  Genesis 1:26-27, 2:21-23
• Broken Relationship – the nature of sin: John 8:34 and Romans 7:5

Library of Congress, foyer staircase, June 14, 2013

Curious about where we’ve been during this study?  Click on the links below to see more.
Why do we need theology anyway?

 

Shifter's Compass Recovery Program

I will say it again: I’ve been unsettled in my heart of late.  My compass (not my True North) has faltered and is spinning erratically.  I am dizzy with indecision, weary of the incessant pummeling of a particular external entity, and deeply saddened by my increasingly predictable response.  There are days when I simply want to stay at home and hide.  Yet, because I know who I follow, the God who Sees Me, I know that this, too, shall pass.  I merely need to recover my orientation, regain my footing, and restart my journey.  And though it will require discipline on my part, it is not something that I alone can do – I will need the Holy Spirit working in me for this to be accomplished.  But I am ready to recover my compass. 

Do not think that I have lost my faith; on the contrary, what I am loosing are my false theologies, idols that I didn't realize wheren't representative of the One True God.  Thus, while my faith is being sifted, I can see it is being strengthened even  as I type.  But I will not deny that this is a season of shifting in my soul.  A separating of chaff from wheat; a refining of what is true and a melting away of what is insignificant.  It is because I can recognize this season that I can equip and arm myself accordingly.  Thus, I have purposed to engage in a more liturgical discipline over the next month, so that I might taste and see what the Lord has for me, even amongst these ashes. 

A beautiful former mentor wrote a prayer, one that I have been praying [at least in part] daily.  She calls it the “Shifter’s Prayer.”  It is, as is so much of her work, art.  And insight.  And deeply personal, because in it she allows for soul shifts that recognize that God is still God, even while I’m being redefined in and through Him.  I have included it below, just in case anyone else out there is being sifted.

I also recently purchased the Common Book of Prayer and beginning yesterday, I purposed to follow the offices therein.  That I might recognize that I am a part of something far greater than myself; something even greater than myself and my relationship with Jesus.  I am a member of a world-wide body of believers (both temporal and heavenly) who recite these prayers, who keep these offices, who need the same grace and the same mercy from the same God as I.  So that I might lift my eyes from my personal shifting to see, quite frankly, that the world does not revolve around me. 

It should only ever revolve around Christ Jesus.  For the glory of God.  Forever and ever.  Amen.     

a shifter's prayer template  by Kathy Escobar

God, i used to think you were... (any qualities of God that you used to really believe)

i used to be able to say to others, to myself... (one or two phrases that you were sure

of in your faith)

when i read the Bible i used to feel... (several feeling words)

now i sometimes feel... (several feeling words)

oh, how i miss... (several things you miss about your faith before)

but God, i'm trying to lean into the present, to experiencing you in new ways.

i see you in... (several areas of your life where you are seeing God somehow, some way)

i feel you in... (several areas of your life where you are feeling God somehow, some way)

i hear you in... (several areas of your life where you are hearing God somehow, some

way)

i smell you in... (several areas of your life where you might smell God somehow, some

way)

i touch you when i touch... (several areas of your life where you are touching God

somehow, some way)

thank you for these gifts.

despite all the things i don't know, i can still cling to this.... (one truth that is

sustaining you right now)

and for that i, too, am thankful.

God, please keep sustaining me in these shifts.

i do want more of you in my life.

amen.

// www.kathescobar.com september 2012        

           

Red Numerals

I am sitting at my computer, waiting for my student loan forms to load on the internet.   And I am squeamish.  The number indicating how much assistance I am accepting, in red no less, is frightening.  I want very much to say, “Money is not my god.”  But when I see that number (and yes, I have adjusted my schedule because I need my award to more closely match my tuition), I shrink.  Wow.  That’s a lot.  How am I ever going to pay that back?  (And how will I ever graduate if I keep dropping classes?)

I panic.  And begin been trolling internet job sites.  “I could do that.  I mean I’ve never welded anything in my life, but surely I could be a master welder in no time.  Right?”  [To all my welder friends out there, I apologize.  This is merely an example of my desperation; anyone who would hand me tools involving fire is more than slightly off their rocker.]  And then I consider taking 1 class per semester... for the next 13 years.  Ridiculously depressing.  That thought, in turn, causes me to throw in the towel, “forget it!  How can I put my family through this type of financial strain?”   Though this is mostly due to the little voice screaming in the back of my head, “Student loans are evil!  Get out of debt; don’t dig in deeper” a la Dave Ramsey; coupled with the admonition of a pastor, who implied that education merely for the sake of more education is a waste of resources.   

But do you want to know the funny part (not laugh-out-loud funny; more of an audible smirk)?  Just last night (rather, very early this morning), I committed to an utterly abandoned following after God in my life.  I literally said, “I will not let any obstacle, of other’s or my own making, stand in the way of me doing the good works for which You have made me.”  Do these require a degree?  Likely not.  Though I know I was called to go.  It was so present, so palpable, when I first felt it.  And when I’m there, even on the nights of tests (yeah, I don’t handle stress well) or paper’s due dates, there is this wide open space within my spirit; an expansion, a hope  that permeates my entire being.  When I drive away from campus, I feel it closing behind me; and I have this desperate desire to pull it with me, to share it with the world, to take it with me into the darkness.  I know it’s not the commentaries, or the lectures, or the theories that awaken my spirit.  It’s finding new [to me, as He is unchanging] facets of God; glimpsing a little more of Jesus.  It is opening my God box a little wider, letting Him out of my parameters a little bit more; letting Him show me who He is.  And then, like the Samaritan woman, I want to run and call everyone to Jesus.  See!  Look!  He is the hope for our lives; He is the rescue from our darkness!  He is so much more than I ever could have imagined.  He is beautiful.

So how do I reconcile that desire with the glaring, red numerals extracting my resolution?  By recalling the time not two semesters ago, when I sat in the office of a gentleman theologian; he encouraged me to follow my calling, while admonishing me that this will be an uphill battle the entire way.  It will try my resolve.  It will be a test of endurance.  Basically, (in my coarse paraphrase), it’s gonna suck.  But most things that are worth doing require great effort, some sacrifice, and an exorbitant amount of grace; as well as an adjustment of my attitude.  So as I click the “submit” button on my loans, I am engaging in a breath prayer.  I breathe in, “YHWH-Yireh” [the God who Provides] to recognize that God is the source of my sustenance and His provision is always more than sufficient.  And I breathe out: “money is not my god,” to remind me that in spite of their scariness, they are just numbers after all.

To Teach or To Tell

“Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” ~Mark 5:19

[Before I broach my subject today, I am inclined to immediately qualify it with the fact that as of this writing, I am not in a position of leadership in any church or ministry.  The following is merely my opinion; though granted it has been formed by research, prayer, and my experience on both sides of the topic.]

It is a question I have wrestled with for over a year now: to teach or to tell.  I can only say that the answer varies from situation to situation.  There are some instances that beg first-hand accounts: miraculous signs and wonders, events or circumstances that succinctly reveal some part of God’s identity in the telling.  Conversely, there are deeper, more subtle nuances of God’s character that require diligent pursuit and a carefully drafted theological lesson to explain and illuminate.  Yet today, the question gnaws at me because I believe that in certain communities we are lacking a powerful, Kingdom-ordained tool: personal testimony.

It is a wonderful thing to be privy to the healing and restoration of other followers, and then to be able to share parts of their stories (with permission, of course) with others among the faithful.  However, to sit in the congregation and hear a story of freedom told in third person is a lesson; a parable from which we glean truth.  It is distant, impersonal and easy to hide from.  Yet to look in the face, to hear the tremble in the voice of the former captive is to connect to this truth on a personal, visceral level.  It is not a lesson but a reality; tangible and living, physical proof that Christ does save, Christ does heal, and Christ does restore!  To be as frank as I can, it was a testimony that finally led me to faith.  Within my heart sprang forth the cry, “If God can love this person, He can love me!”  It was the first-hand telling, not the teaching, that finally made salvation personal and applicable to me.

Is it risky to let someone tell their story?  Sure.  Who knows what they’re going to say once they have a microphone in hand.  Might the content offend some in the congregation?  Probably.  But Jesus frequently offended [imagine, as a ministry leader, being told that you’re just as guilty as someone caught in the act of adultery].  What if the congregation judges the speaker, or labels them?  True freedom in Christ has a way of protecting hearts.  The crux of these questions being: is God trustworthy?  Can the leaders trust that God has truly called a person to share their story of His redemption?  Can the leaders trust that if anything out of their control happens, God will use it for His good?  Can we, today, trust that God uses His people telling their stories to further His kingdom; or do we only place our trust in carefully thought out, well-annotated, pre-approved sermons?

The subscription to highly organized lessons calls into question whether some people are actually called to share their stories.  [Note I say some, not all.]  Indeed, Christ Himself, tasked the man who had been possessed by a legion of demons not to become one of His followers, but to “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you” (Mark 5:19).  Why?  We learn from the surrounding verses that to see a man (who had previously broken through chains and stalked through the tombs cutting himself while night and day crying out) calmly proclaiming his salvation would amaze all who knew him.  Christ didn’t send His apostles to tell the populace of the miracles He preformed.  He sent the person He healed because people needed to marvel at the change; to say, “We knew this person when he/she was wounded; and now, look…!  We can not deny the power and authority of Jesus!”

For millennia, God has been using the stories of the broken, the lost, and the sinner, from their own mouths, to call others into His kingdom.  It could be because God knows we are afraid to admit the depravity in our own souls to Him [though He is aware of it already].  It could be because He delights in our show of love for Him in this way.  It could be because if you are an utterly broken, deceived, and struggling soul, you have a hard time personalizing messages from the seemingly pious folk behind the podium.  And so, you need to hear from someone who has tread the ground in which you are now mired.  You need to see the face of one who has been freed from the prison in which you are languishing.  You need to experience the presence of someone who has been held captive, but is now free through Christ.

Jesus, being fully God and therefore aware of the hearts of humanity, knew that we need to see, to touch, to personally encounter stories of healing and redemption so that we might recognize the need for this power in our lives.  Because in truth, these testimonies give glory to God, with no person or program or production standing in the way.  All the glory, honor, and worship are His!  And the Lord is made famous, not the teacher.

Day 34: A --less update

Psalm 93: The LORD Reigns

The LORD reigns; he is robed in majesty;the LORD is robed; he has put on strength as his belt. Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved. Your throne is established from of old; you are from everlasting. The floods have lifted up, O LORD, the floods have lifted up their voice; the floods lift up their roaring. Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the LORD on high is mighty! Your decrees are very trustworthy; holiness befits your house, O LORD, forevermore.

Under the veil of transparency I sit, searching for a conversation with you, imaginary reader, that captures what has happened up to this point. I promised, a few weeks ago, to keep you abreast of my fasting. I had, quite honestly, hoped that I would have a report filled with spiritual wonders; a greater closeness to the Lord; a deeper understanding of the mysteries of Heaven. But between you, me, and the keyboard, this hasn’t been the mountain top experience I’d envisioned…and yet, I have felt the Lord move in ways that were missing before. I am coming out of a drought, parched and weary, into a place of new growth. Tiny shoots of life scratching through brittle soil. I am moving towards unfettered joy found only in the resurrection of Christ. I can see hope on the horizon. And my expectation increases daily.

Matthew 5: 20 ~ For I [Jesus] tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

The absence of sugar. For 24 days, I held fast. No sugar. No sweeteners, other than honey on occasion. I discovered a new love of fruit. My coffee was abrasive. I delighted in the metaphor of how bitter and joyless my life is without the resurrection of Christ, every time I poured a cup, or craved a treat. I gave my cravings over to the Lord, I rejoiced in His strengthening me. And then, without much warning, I felt the quaking of self-righteousness within me. I became the master of my cravings. I was the one holding out. I could get through 40 days. Me. For me.

And then, I got sick. I was exhausted, hungry, and miserable. On the way home from the doctor (day 3 of pain and no food), I prayed. I wanted so much to honor my commitment, to stick to it with my own power. But I asked for permission to have a milkshake ~ something to numb the fire in my throat and fill my belly so I could sleep. And the answer I got: my self-righteousness had gotten in the way of my worship. I had given up sugar to take things out of the way of my relationship with my Lord. But in doing so, I’d unwittingly erected another wall ~ my works. I had become like a Pharisee, righteous for my own sake. All show and no heart. Clinging to ritualized commitments, instead of to the Lord.

So I asked for forgiveness. I recognized that I could give up sugar for the rest of eternity and still miss the point. It is only through Christ’s work (not mine) that I find right standing with God. No amount of fasting will ever change that. So I had a shake (or 3). And I got back on my fast, with a new focus: God, not me keeping away from sugar.

Mark 1:35 ~And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, [Jesus] departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.

In regards to my snooze button: once. Only once have I risen early to spend time in prayer and meditation. And I will admit that was only when the sun had begun rising earlier (before the “spring forward” time change which causes my room to stay dark until well after I should be up). I’ll also admit that the time wasn’t of high quality; it was of “get-it-out-of-the-way” sort. And I have lamented this. I’ve been my typical guilt-ridden self. Hardly the point.

But in that, I’ve been instructed in and therefore open to the idea of 1 degree of change; which paraphrased to fit my illustration says, if I can take 1 step of faith growing closer to Christ, I have (from an eternal perspective) changed my entire trajectory. So, I’ve taken to praying differently (from a stance of relinquishment instead of pleading); and focusing more time throughout the day on God, His word (even just 1 line of scripture repeated at different points throughout the day), and His attributes. And, not surprisingly, I have grown. My worship is reflecting a slight difference. My thoughts are quicker to quiet, more readily on my Father when I wake than before.

While from the outside it looks like I’ve failed in this, I am changing. I am discovering new means of quality time with my Heavenly Father. And for that, I am glad.

Luke 10: 38-42 ~ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Finally, to the one thing I’ve given up and actually stayed away from: the internet distraction of a certain social networking site. I haven’t visited it, haven’t thought about it, haven’t even wanted to. And I’ve found lots of time, time previously wasted, to devote to the Lord. But all that time has only resulted in was more doing, more busy-ness, more activities, more weariness, more striving – SIT DOWN, MARTHA! My soul is screaming. Sit at the Master’s feet. Be filled. Be still. Be at peace.

So there it is: seeming failure on all fronts. And yet, maybe not. Perhaps each is 1 degree of change, movement in a more Christ-like direction. I will keep trying, with the help of the Holy Spirit to guide and support me. And I will quietly delight in the metaphor that without the resurrection of Christ, all of my striving is hollow ceremony.

Getting out of my own way

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  ~ Romans 12:1-2

I hate my alarm clock.

Understand that there is nothing wrong with this gadget: it works properly (oh, too properly), I can see it mocking me from across my bedroom (I can activate any snooze button in my sleep, hence the need to place it away from arm's reach), and I can certainly hear it shrieking in increasingly ridiculous decibels.  Perhaps, more than the apparatus itself, I hate waking.  Or at least waking before I'm ready. There was a time in very recent memory when I would bound out of bed (okay, not bound; but at least shuffle out of bed without malice) and head down to my coffee and quiet time.  Granted, that was in the summer months when the sun was peeking at me, just over the sill in my kitchen window; and my children could sleep until nine or so, as we had no commitments outside of the pool opening at eleven.  Even the recollection of those mornings draws out warmth and tugs a smile into the corner of my south.  But the dark, the winter, pulls at my resolve to rise early.  I dash across my floor, eagerly hitting the snooze button and take the few steps back into my bed, throwing the covers over me, silently  pleading, "five more minutes, Lord.  Just five more minutes."  And five becomes 30, then 60, until I have to get up lest the children be late to school.  Still dark, still cold; but now missing the delightful communion with my God.  I resolve to meet Him later in the day, which I generally do.  And I know that He is with me throughout my day.  His place is not scripted only in the times before my family rises.

Yet the paces of my day become flustered; my mode catch up, rather than soak up.  Quick fill-er-ups and stolen moments in the flow of the day; instead of separate, oasis in my life.

Upon meditation, I became aware of this and other tendencies in my flesh that are, though not pulling me away from God, certainly keeping me stagnant.  Pride.  Distraction.  Sloth.  [No, this isn't a prelude to one of my favorite movies.  It is merely the reason driving the next 40 days.] Which leads to me to the observation of a practice I thought I left far behind.  Though of late, I am becoming more respectful of the offices kept by our liturgical brethren.  This year, I feel the Lord is calling me to practice Lent.

Historically, Lent is observed for the 40 days leading up to Resurrection Sunday, during which observers recognize the temptation (ergo full humanity) of Christ in the desert prior to His Incarnate ministry.  It is a time where followers sacrifice something (e.g. "give up") for the prescribed period in observance of Christ's sacrifice of His place as God [leaving the Heavenly realm to live, caged in flesh, among the fallen on Earth].  Typically, a follower will abstain from something that is interfering with their relationship with God.  This is to prepare their hearts for the resurrection of Christ, the holiest day on the Christian calendar, the apex of history thus far.

I didn't exactly make my choices; more accurate would be to say that they were made for me as I  reflected upon my daily life.

Sadly, the first thing I think about when I wake is not the Lord, His plan for my day, nor even my delight in being His child.  It is: "what am I going to eat?"  Oh, how it pains me to write that.  Worse still, is the internal dialogue I have regarding the choices I've given myself.  Which will make me feel healthy and thin; which will be more satisfying, but send me spiraling into self-loathing when my jeans don't fit.  From that point, my mind is primed on its favorite topic: how I feel about, how I feel other people think about, how I feel about the way I think about how other people think about ~ how I look. Yikes.  Doesn't get more self-centered than that, does it?  Granted, I'm not one who looks at myself in the mirror and thinks everyone should be looking at me.  Quite the opposite.  I'd rather people didn't.  But that extreme is on the continuum of pride.  I spend a great deal of time thinking about how I look, and how other people see me.  Pride.

As I'm writing this, I'm having an internal dialogue with you [my imaginary reader] as to whether or not you like what you're reading so far.  You've interjected a few times.  I've made changes accordingly.  Have I mentioned that I have a desire for the approval of others?  With the painless anonymity of the internet, I can alert the world of my every thought and have anyone who is so moved respond.  Notice me.  Distract me.  My favorite social networking site has conveniently built this into my day.  And I have become a junkie.  I have a hard time getting on the computer to do anything without first getting my fix out of the way.  If I want to do a word search to compliment a study, I hop on the internet, but first check my page.  So this fixation feeds both my distraction and pride.

None of these activities/interests/practices are bad.  They are not sinful.  They are merely things that have crept into my life.  Things that if left unchecked, could settle into my life, could be habit-forming, could affect the way I engage in the praxis of the gospel. So, for the next 40 days, I'm giving up: sugar, my favorite social networking site, and my snooze button.  All three represent something in my flesh that is keeping me from realizing, rejoicing in, and proclaiming the miracle of the resurrection daily.  Without each, and in their place communion with and reliance upon my LORD, I will hopefully come out on the other side struggling less with pride, distraction, and sloth.  And delighting more in the sacrifice of Jesus, as He gave up His position in Heaven to walk among us.

I'll let you know how this all goes, imaginary reader.  If you'll hold me accountable.

I will

“’As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down,’ declares the Sovereign LORD. ‘I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak’”
Ezekiel 34:12, 15-16 [part]

I am a bit of an English nerd (thanks, Mom!). While I’m certainly not an expert, I do like my modifiers in the appropriate places. And, yes, I am constantly seeking metaphors. I read and then re-read sentences to gain meaning from their construction, their tone, their choice of words. I could literally spend hours on one or two well-turned phrases, extracting their full depth and enriching their meaning.

For example, the above Scripture is one of my favorites (yes, I do say that a lot ~ guess I really just love God’s word). At first glance it tells me that GOD Himself cares for me. HE says so, “I myself will tend my sheep;” and I’ve learned HE doesn’t flippantly say, or not say, anything (Ezk 34:15). This passage does not say, “I’m sending my angels in descending order to look after my sheep depending upon their righteous living. The martyrs warrant archangels, the prophets and missionaries get cherubim and seraphim, while the rest of you sinners can look out for yourselves.” No! The Sovereign LORD says, “I myself will tend my sheep.” GOD will personally search for the lost, retrieve those who wander, and heal the hurts of those wrecked by sin. GOD, who spoke the entire universe into existence, is personally looking after you; searching for you, calling you back, desiring to heal your wounds and strengthen you.

Amazing, isn’t it? You might have noticed that HE doesn’t just say that once. GOD says, “I will” five times. In case you didn’t catch it on the first read, HE reiterates that fact ~ in five separate instances. The Almighty GOD will personally tend to you.

The other part of this passage that I love is the use of the word, “will.” Notice the word is not “did;” GOD’s Son, Jesus Christ, did die for all the sins of the world ~ past tense. But the Creator of the Universe chose “will” to describe His relationship with us. This word shows futurity ~ it is going to happen. It denotes habitual action ~ something that is repeated again and again; then, now, & tomorrow. And it indicates an inevitable tendency ~ the action [or verb] following “will” is certain to take place.

The Sovereign LORD does not forgive us once & then abandon us to our soul-destructive tendencies. Instead, HE teaches us that it is HIS character, HIS very nature, to keep rescuing us, keep finding us, keep healing us. Even if HE has to take us back to the day of clouds and darkness to do so. And HE will continue to tend to us for all eternity. For we are HIS and HE is ours!

Stay

Out of curiosity, I recently visited Wikipedia and found 29 songs listed with the title, "Stay." Stay. There is an ache, whatever the genre, in that single word. A desperate plea. An admission of some other over-arching emotion. Love. Fear. Loneliness. The need for companionship; for witness to our fragile existence. Don't go. Stay.

I am not immune to that ache. I have known it's many forms. I have been overcome and I have been victorious over this state time and again. My days now are filled with a joy and purpose I for so very long thought impossible. However, of late it has been my heart's cry. I have been privy to a particular healing group, a sisterhood of women who have sought truth in face of their darkest moments; women who have knelt before the cross of Jesus Christ and traded their shame for His righteousness. And I have seen God work miracles in their hearts. He has brought springs out of parched ground and gardens from wastelands (Isaiah 41: 18-19). Upon my sisters, He has bestowed a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. And we each walk away, displaying the LORD's splendor (Isaiah 61:3). I have literally seen these transformations weekly. I have been transformed.

Therefore, it stands to reason that I would not readily walk away from this holy site. But circumstances are commanding my respite. Some, frankly, are quite joyful ~ a fellow sister will stand in my stead and I am praising GOD for the chance for her to bear this witness and toil in this blessed vineyard as well! Some are near and dear to my heart; and some are, seemingly, just life. But as I watched the light from 13 candles illuminate the dark corner of a room, I said to my Adonai, "You can't ask me to walk away. Don't take this from me."

Why? Was I so selfish that I wanted this only for myself? Did I think this wouldn't happen without me in the room? No. It was the fear that if I left this arena, I would loose this closeness, this intimacy with my Yahew Roi [the LORD is my Shepherd]. I was desperate not to loose this holy place, this level of relationship with Him.

"Stay!" My heart cried out, "don't go!" Tears soaked my prayers, my worship; my knees grew numb from begging. But eventually, I had to get up. Life wouldn't wait (my 3 year-old needed breakfast and he is very adamant about eating). Throughout my days, I kept silently insisting, "stay. Stay!"

And in His tender way, my Abba took me into His arms, and wiped away my tears. He held me, He listened to my pleas, but He did not change His mind. His will was not bent to suit my desires. Instead, He told me of a time when another one of His children did not want to let go...

Paraphrased from Matthew 16:21-17:5, with personal commentary
Jesus revealed to his disciples that He would be put to death, a horrible death preceded by torture, by the chief priests of Jerusalem. There is a part of me that believes He did this not only to indicate His divinity, but to prepare those who loved Him. He was getting them ready for what was inevitable. Upon hearing this news, His disciples were frantic, most likely heartbroken. They pledged their lives in exchange for His. Peter even declared, "never!" Christ's rebuke was fairly harsh; but He never was one to pull any punches. Days passed without comment, though I assume that his dearest friends were still silently distraught. And He knew this. So, Jesus takes Peter, James, and John with Him to the top of a mountain for time alone to pray. Each man was probably thinking of this time as a chance to draw closer to Jesus, to soak up His nearness after such a distressing revelation. Up the mountain they went. During this prayer time, Christ is transformed into His heavenly glory; and He is met atop this mountain by Elijah and Moses. Why does this happen in front of Peter, James, and John? Maybe Jesus wanted to comfort them with the knowledge that He is the Son of God; therefore He knew what would take place and He had already made the choice to follow through ~ for the sake of every soul in the world. The disciples were astounded; some books say they were afraid, some say they didn't know what to do. And then Peter begs. Peter tells Jesus he will build three tents to house Christ, Elijah, and Moses ~ to keep Jesus there, in the temporal, in immediate contact with Peter. "Stay," is Peter's heart's cry. At that moment, the mountain is enveloped in a cloud and a voice from the cloud says, " This is My Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased. Listen to Him."

"Listen to Him." The implication being, "abandon your own plans. Follow His directions." Peter, who loved Jesus, didn't want to let go. He wanted to stay with Jesus in the closest sense. But Peter couldn't understand what Christ's death would accomplish. Peter couldn't know what plans God and Jesus had following the Crucifixion. In order to see the apex of all history, Peter would have to let Jesus go. He would be required to experience physical distance in order to have spiritual closeness beyond imagination. Peter would have to be obedient, in spite of his emotions. In spite of his heart. Peter heard the voice of God telling him to listen to Jesus. And Jesus was preparing him for a time of relationship which was beyond Peter's comprehension.

And so, my Heavenly Father showed me that I can not understand His plans. And sometimes, my heart's desire may actually stand in the way of those plans. Albeit unwittingly. So, He asks me to trust Him. Because whatever is on the other side is very much worth it.

Tonight, I kneel before my Adonai. I am letting go, Lord. Help me let go.